Should I Go Out With Men Who Don’t Know If They Want Kids?

I’ve been following your blog and tips and just lately returned to on-line relationship just after having a brief crack. I’m 35 a long time aged and went by means of a divorce a number of many years ago (no children), and hope to have little ones sometime. Even so, when I browse through the match part, around fifty percent of the guys there have marked “Unspecified/unsure” beneath the want-children category. This is correct no matter of the platform (e.g, Match, eHarmony, and many others). To be crystal clear, the obtainable options are Of course-I-Want-Little ones, No-I-Do not-Want Kids, Doubtful/No-choice. For anyone like me who wants kids (both biologically or by using adoption), is it value paying time interacting with adult men who really do not evidently say they want young children on their profiles? I’ve had awkward activities already in which I change down initial-dates because I understood they mentioned “unspecified” on their profiles. On the a single hand, I likely would not be this “picky” if I meet a person in individual at a friend’s meal occasion or other social gatherings. But on the other hand, I genuinely really don’t want to squander time on gentlemen who are seemingly ambivalent on this problem. I’d enjoy it if you can share your feelings on this, many thanks!


I’m SO happy you questioned this problem, Nicole, due to the fact it’s one I tackle instantly in Really like U and a person that arrives up all the time for the higher than explanations.

And, contrary to most of the inquiries I response, in which I’m striving to point out a reader’s probable blind spot, I completely concur with your assessment of the circumstance.

Here’s how I see it:

There are men who genuinely, actually want young ones like you do. I was one particular of them. I constantly desired to be a Father and was constantly looking for a lady who desired to be a Mother. This vision for your mutual future is crucial for the reason that if you are not on the same site, you are not going to have a lot of a mutual long run.

Then there are adult males like you explained: perhaps they now have a kid, perhaps they’re undecided. There is nothing at all inherently incorrect with them. Absolutely everyone has the ideal to be perplexed or ambivalent or to want to see if they get inspired by the proper girl.

The challenge is when a girl who appreciates she desires children hitches herself to the teach of the ambivalent man.

There is a 50% that if all those two persons slide in adore, transfer in with each other and get married, that “unsure/no preference” guy will like NOT getting young children – and she will have unwittingly positioned her fertility on the line for a pipe desire.

So is it attainable that the other 50% of adult males DO decide to become fathers when they fulfill the suitable girl? Positive.

Is that a little something you want to just take a prospect on as a likely mother? Hell, no!

You wouldn’t get on a aircraft that had a 50% possibility of landing. Why get on the undecided practice with a 40-year-aged person who’s nevertheless figuring out his shit?

You wouldn’t get on a plane that experienced a 50% possibility of landing. Why get on the undecided educate with a 40-year-old guy who’s still figuring out his shit?

Stick exclusively with males who know they want youngsters and you are going to have a person a lot less matter to fret about when determining if you’re going to expend your everyday living collectively.

Relationship is difficult. Never make it more difficult by investing in ambivalent adult males.

(Exact goes for men who really don’t know if they want to get married, by the way!)

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Thai gilr living in New York and work as a part time editor on news magazines.