DATING

I Screwed Up with a Guy. Do You Think I Can Fix It?


I Screwed Up with a Guy. Do You Think I Can Fix It?

I met a guy a year ago and throughout the year we went on 6 dates. He made me feel really special and great but I wasn’t ready to commit and something inside me stopped me. First, I thought I was not attracted to him and we weren’t compatible so I called it off in July. He even waited 2 months for me to make a decision. But now I have started therapy and am understanding myself more. I have realized that I want to give us a chance and give it my all. I messaged him and initially he said he would be keen if it progressed but then he backed out when I mentioned I am not looking for just sex. I think there was miscommunication over text because he thinks I am damaged. I texted him following day letting him know that I will wait and he is worth the wait but he never replied. I fucked up so bad and I really want to give it all in because I saw a future with him and here I am now. What should I do?

Leah McGee

In Love U, there’s an exercise called “Create Your Relationship Timeline,” in which I ask women to outline their previous patterns. Did you sleep with him on the first date? Did he become your boyfriend after two weeks? Did you stay with him for four years without a ring? From this process, patterns often emerge that are revealing.

You are entitled to feelings of confusion and ambivalence about a man.

There are – simply put – healthier ways to embark on a smooth, successful relationship than others. Let me ask you how this one sounds, Leah:

  • 6 dates over the course of a year.
  • You decided to stop the proceedings.
  • You determined that you were missing not one but BOTH of the main things needed for a relationship: chemistry and compatibility.
  • You left him hanging for two months without a decision (and he PUT UP with it!)
  • Then, when you decided to reconsider, you handled it by text but botched the messaging.
  • Somehow, this has given your guy the impression that you’re “damaged.”

I wouldn’t level such accusations but we can agree that, at the very least, you’re a little bit “confused,” which has resulted in a rocky courtship process he has finally withdrawn from.

What do you do now?

With him? Nothing. That ship has sailed.

You are entitled to feelings of confusion and ambivalence about a man. You are entitled to engage in therapy and practice personal growth. You are allowed to change your mind and reconsider your stance.

But that doesn’t mean a good man with self-esteem and options is entitled to sit and wait for you to figure your shit out, nor is he entitled to give you a second hearing.

As for what you do next? Learn from this experience and apply it going forward.

Quality, relationship-oriented guys don’t grow on trees, so the next time one expresses interest in you and makes you feel really special, try making him feel special, too.

You may discover it works a lot better than treating him like a safety school.

Happy ClientsHappy Clients

  • Tina P.

    “Evan answered my question on one of the calls and it was the best coaching ever.”

    I’ve chosen to be cherished and allow myself to know that I was worthy of love.   Now, I feel like when I go with the flow and stop trying to control any given situation, things fall into place. It’s so exhilarating!   

    Tina P.
  • Charlene J.

    “I cannot say enough good things about this man.”

    He is a beautiful person and he is so generous, affectionate, well spoken and accomplished.  He is tall and athletic and totally hot.  He is 53, but I am here to tell you 53 can be pretty damn impressive. All this from a woman who a year before had equated dating with despair, rejection and pain.

    Charlene J.
  • Busola O.

    “I feel very fortunate that I gave him a chance and that he’s in my life. The best part is that there is NO DRAMA!”

    “Why He Disappeared” made me feel like I was in control of my love life and that it was not in control of me. Now I’m VERY happy with myself and my relationship. I can relax and not stress about the future, I’m enjoying the here and now and its so much FUN!

    Busola O.

[gravityform id=”10″ title=”false” description=”false”]

<div class=’gf_browser_safari gf_browser_iphone gform_wrapper’ id=’gform_wrapper_10′ ><form method=’post’ enctype=’multipart/form-data’ id=’gform_10′ action=’/blog/letting-go/i-screwed-up-with-a-guy-do-you-think-i-can-fix-it’> <div class=’gform_body’><ul id=’gform_fields_10′ class=’gform_fields top_label form_sublabel_below description_below’><li id=’field_10_1′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_10_1′ ><span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_container ginput_container_text’><input name=’input_1′ id=’input_10_1′ type=’text’ value=” class=’medium’ placeholder=’Enter your first name’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” /></div></li><li id=’field_10_5′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_10_5′ ><span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_container ginput_container_email’> <input name=’input_5′ id=’input_10_5′ type=’text’ value=” class=’medium’ placeholder=’Enter your best email address’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” /> </div></li><li id=’field_10_3′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_3′ id=’input_10_3′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/letting-go’ /></li><li id=’field_10_4′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_4′ id=’input_10_4′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/letting-go/i-screwed-up-with-a-guy-do-you-think-i-can-fix-it’ /></li><li id=’field_10_6′ class=’gfield gform_validation_container field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_10_6′ >Comments</label><div class=’ginput_container’><input name=’input_6′ id=’input_10_6′ type=’text’ value=” /></div><div class=’gfield_description’ id=’gfield_description__6′>This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.</div></li> </ul></div> <div class=’gform_footer top_label’> <input type=”submit” id=”gform_submit_button_10″ class=”gform_button button om-trigger-conversion” value=”Get Instant Access” onclick=’if(window[“gf_submitting_10”])return false; window[“gf_submitting_10”]=true; ‘ onkeypress=’if( event.keyCode == 13 ) if(window[“gf_submitting_10”])return false; window[“gf_submitting_10”]=true; jQuery(“#gform_10”).trigger(“submit”,[true]); ‘> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’is_submit_10′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_submit’ value=’10’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_unique_id’ value=” /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’state_10′ value=’WyJbXSIsIjM5YjE2ZTFlY2Y0NGVmZTI0NmI1OGU0NWZhMWYzZmI2Il0=’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_target_page_number_10′ id=’gform_target_page_number_10′ value=’0′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_source_page_number_10′ id=’gform_source_page_number_10′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ name=’gform_field_values’ value=” /> </div> </form> </div><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_render’, function(event, formId, currentPage)if(formId == 10) if(typeof Placeholders != ‘undefined’) Placeholders.enable(); );jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_conditional_logic’, function(event, formId, fields, isInit) );</script><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).ready(function()jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_post_render’, [10, 1]) ); </script>

[gravityform id=”13″ title=”false” description=”false”]

<div class=’gf_browser_safari gf_browser_iphone gform_wrapper 8-mistakes-sidebar-form_wrapper’ id=’gform_wrapper_13′ ><form method=’post’ enctype=’multipart/form-data’ id=’gform_13′ class=’8-mistakes-sidebar-form’ action=’/blog/letting-go/i-screwed-up-with-a-guy-do-you-think-i-can-fix-it’> <div class=’gform_body’><ul id=’gform_fields_13′ class=’gform_fields top_label form_sublabel_below description_below’><li id=’field_13_1′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_13_1′ ><span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_container ginput_container_text’><input name=’input_1′ id=’input_13_1′ type=’text’ value=” class=’medium’ placeholder=’Enter your first name’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” /></div></li><li id=’field_13_5′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_13_5′ ><span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_container ginput_container_email’> <input name=’input_5′ id=’input_13_5′ type=’text’ value=” class=’medium’ placeholder=’Enter your best email address’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” /> </div></li><li id=’field_13_3′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_3′ id=’input_13_3′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/letting-go’ /></li><li id=’field_13_4′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_4′ id=’input_13_4′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/letting-go/i-screwed-up-with-a-guy-do-you-think-i-can-fix-it’ /></li><li id=’field_13_6′ class=’gfield gform_validation_container field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_13_6′ >Email</label><div class=’ginput_container’><input name=’input_6′ id=’input_13_6′ type=’text’ value=” /></div><div class=’gfield_description’ id=’gfield_description__6′>This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.</div></li> </ul></div> <div class=’gform_footer top_label’> <input type=”submit” id=”gform_submit_button_13″ class=”gform_button button om-trigger-conversion” value=”Yes! Send me a copy of the 8 Massive Mistakes Report.” onclick=’if(window[“gf_submitting_13”])return false; window[“gf_submitting_13”]=true; ‘ onkeypress=’if( event.keyCode == 13 ) if(window[“gf_submitting_13”])return false; window[“gf_submitting_13”]=true; jQuery(“#gform_13”).trigger(“submit”,[true]); ‘> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’is_submit_13′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_submit’ value=’13’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_unique_id’ value=” /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’state_13′ value=’WyJbXSIsIjM5YjE2ZTFlY2Y0NGVmZTI0NmI1OGU0NWZhMWYzZmI2Il0=’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_target_page_number_13′ id=’gform_target_page_number_13′ value=’0′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_source_page_number_13′ id=’gform_source_page_number_13′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ name=’gform_field_values’ value=” /> </div> </form> </div><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_render’, function(event, formId, currentPage)if(formId == 13) if(typeof Placeholders != ‘undefined’) Placeholders.enable(); );jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_conditional_logic’, function(event, formId, fields, isInit) );</script><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).ready(function()jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_post_render’, [13, 1]) ); </script>

[gravityform id=”27″ title=”false” description=”false” ajax=”true”]

<div class=’gf_browser_safari gf_browser_iphone gform_wrapper’ id=’gform_wrapper_27′ ><div id=’gf_27′ class=’gform_anchor’ tabindex=’-1′></div><form method=’post’ enctype=’multipart/form-data’ target=’gform_ajax_frame_27′ id=’gform_27′ action=’/blog/letting-go/i-screwed-up-with-a-guy-do-you-think-i-can-fix-it#gf_27′> <div class=’gform_body’><ul id=’gform_fields_27′ class=’gform_fields top_label form_sublabel_below description_below’><li id=’field_27_1′ class=’gfield gfield_html gfield_html_formatted gfield_no_follows_desc field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><img class=”em-head” src=”//www.evanmarckatz.com/images/em-head.jpg” width=”120″ height=”120″> <p align=”center”>Evan Marc Katz</p></li><li id=’field_27_2′ class=’gfield gfield_html gfield_html_formatted gfield_no_follows_desc field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><center><br><br> <strong><span style=”font-size: 14px”>Are you sick of men not making an effort? <br><br> Are you tired of texting relationships? <br><br> Are you done with “Netflix and chill?”</span></strong><br><br> <span style=”font-size: 12px”>Sign up for this free email training and I’ll tell you the <strong>8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships</strong> so you never end up feeling this way again. </span></center></li><li id=’field_27_3′ class=’gfield gfield_html gfield_html_formatted gfield_no_follows_desc field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><center><img style=”margin: 20px 0″ width=”131″ height=”190″ src=”//www.evanmarckatz.com/images/8-mistakes-cover.png”></center></li><li id=’field_27_10′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_hidden_label field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_hidden’ ><label class=’gfield_label gfield_label_before_complex’ >Name<span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_complex ginput_container no_prefix has_first_name no_middle_name no_last_name no_suffix gf_name_has_1 ginput_container_name’ id=’input_27_10′> <span id=’input_27_10_3_container’ class=’name_first’ > <input type=’text’ name=’input_10.3′ id=’input_27_10_3′ value=” aria-label=’First name’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” placeholder=’First Name’/> <label for=’input_27_10_3′ class=’hidden_sub_label screen-reader-text’>First</label> </span> </div></li><li id=’field_27_9′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_27_9′ ><span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_container ginput_container_email’> <input name=’input_9′ id=’input_27_9′ type=’text’ value=” class=’medium’ placeholder=’Enter your best email address’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” /> </div></li><li id=’field_27_5′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_5′ id=’input_27_5′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/letting-go’ /></li><li id=’field_27_6′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_6′ id=’input_27_6′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/letting-go/i-screwed-up-with-a-guy-do-you-think-i-can-fix-it’ /></li><li id=’field_27_11′ class=’gfield gform_validation_container field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_27_11′ >Phone</label><div class=’ginput_container’><input name=’input_11′ id=’input_27_11′ type=’text’ value=” /></div><div class=’gfield_description’ id=’gfield_description__11′>This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.</div></li> </ul></div> <div class=’gform_footer top_label’> <input type=”submit” id=”gform_submit_button_27″ class=”gform_button button om-trigger-conversion” value=”Sign Up Now” onclick=’if(window[“gf_submitting_27”])return false; window[“gf_submitting_27”]=true; ‘ onkeypress=’if( event.keyCode == 13 ) if(window[“gf_submitting_27”])return false; window[“gf_submitting_27”]=true; jQuery(“#gform_27”).trigger(“submit”,[true]); ‘> <input type=’hidden’ name=’gform_ajax’ value=’form_id=27&amp;title=&amp;description=&amp;tabindex=0′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’is_submit_27′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_submit’ value=’27’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_unique_id’ value=” /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’state_27′ value=’WyJbXSIsIjM5YjE2ZTFlY2Y0NGVmZTI0NmI1OGU0NWZhMWYzZmI2Il0=’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_target_page_number_27′ id=’gform_target_page_number_27′ value=’0′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_source_page_number_27′ id=’gform_source_page_number_27′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ name=’gform_field_values’ value=” /> </div> </form> </div> <iframe style=’display:none;width:0px;height:0px;’ src=”https://www.evanmarckatz.com/about:blank” name=’gform_ajax_frame_27′ id=’gform_ajax_frame_27′>This iframe contains the logic required to handle Ajax powered Gravity Forms.</iframe> <script type=’text/javascript’>jQuery(document).ready(function($){gformInitSpinner( 27, ‘//www.evanmarckatz.com/wp-content/plugins/gravityforms/images/spinner.gif’ );jQuery(‘#gform_ajax_frame_27’).on(‘load’,function()var contents = jQuery(this).contents().find(‘*’).html();var is_postback = contents.indexOf(‘GF_AJAX_POSTBACK’) >= 0;if(!is_postback)return;var form_content = jQuery(this).contents().find(‘#gform_wrapper_27’);var is_confirmation = jQuery(this).contents().find(‘#gform_confirmation_wrapper_27’).length > 0;var is_redirect = contents.indexOf(‘gformRedirect()’) >= 0;var is_form = form_content.length > 0 && ! is_redirect && ! is_confirmation;var mt = parseInt(jQuery(‘html’).css(‘margin-top’), 10) + parseInt(jQuery(‘body’).css(‘margin-top’), 10) + 100;if(is_form)jQuery(‘#gform_wrapper_27’).html(form_content.html());if(form_content.hasClass(‘gform_validation_error’))jQuery(‘#gform_wrapper_27’).addClass(‘gform_validation_error’); else jQuery(‘#gform_wrapper_27’).removeClass(‘gform_validation_error’);setTimeout( function() /* delay the scroll by 50 milliseconds to fix a bug in chrome */ jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery(‘#gform_wrapper_27’).offset().top – mt); , 50 );if(window[‘gformInitDatepicker’]) gformInitDatepicker();if(window[‘gformInitPriceFields’]) gformInitPriceFields();var current_page = jQuery(‘#gform_source_page_number_27’).val();gformInitSpinner( 27, ‘//www.evanmarckatz.com/wp-content/plugins/gravityforms/images/spinner.gif’ );jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_page_loaded’, [27, current_page]);window[‘gf_submitting_27’] = false;else if(!is_redirect)var confirmation_content = jQuery(this).contents().find(‘.GF_AJAX_POSTBACK’).html();if(!confirmation_content)confirmation_content = contents;setTimeout(function()jQuery(‘#gform_wrapper_27’).replaceWith(confirmation_content);jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery(‘#gf_27’).offset().top – mt);jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_confirmation_loaded’, [27]);window[‘gf_submitting_27’] = false;, 50);elsejQuery(‘#gform_27’).append(contents);if(window[‘gformRedirect’]) gformRedirect();jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_post_render’, [27, current_page]); ); );</script><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_render’, function(event, formId, currentPage)if(formId == 27) if(typeof Placeholders != ‘undefined’) Placeholders.enable(); );jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_conditional_logic’, function(event, formId, fields, isInit) );</script><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).ready(function()jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_post_render’, [27, 1]) ); </script>





Source link

Thai gilr living in New York and work as a part time editor on news magazines.