DATING

Can I Trust a Man Who Has an Unhealthy Relationship With His Ex?


Can I Trust a Man Who Has an Unhealthy Relationship With His Ex?

I have read your post about trusting the boyfriend who keep in touch with an Ex. While I completely agree with your take on trust, I’d like your input on my situation. My ex and I had a fantastic time together for about 7 months, to the point that I thought he was the man I was going to marry. While I am fine with him keeping in touch with exes, he confessed he’s been in touch with this one ex and was lying about it the entire relationship. At first it seemed like a small fuck-up and no big deal, until I realized the following and everything started becoming fishy:

  1. She had a boyfriend whom later she married when he was with her. So she cheated on her then boyfriend/now husband for an entire year with my ex
  2. All his friends are against them being in touch but it seemed he couldn’t help it.
  3. For our first date, we decided on a place to go, then he went to ask his ex for her opinion. When she opposed the venue, saying it was too expensive, he came back to me and attempted to change the location;
  4. He lied to me about the nature of their relationship saying she cheated on him and he lied that they were no longer in touch;
  5. At the beginning of our relationship, she asked him to help her with English and he would drive 40 minutes to tutor her once a week, while he didn’t want to drive 30 min to see me.
  6. He speaks ill of her from time to time, making fun of her buying Chanel bags and fancy cars
  7. He wanted to go into business with her and wanted me to be part of it. I declined and he got upset.
  8. We broke up, then he agreed to cut off with her but later started stonewalling me and distancing from me.
  9. Now that we are considering a reconciliation, he said he’s back in touch with her and seems to want me to be okay with it and claiming I need to trust him or else.

Do you think this still applies to your trusting your boyfriend situation?

Thank you,

Aiden

Maybe I’m feeling impatient today, but, for the life of me, I have a hard time understanding why so many people have a hard time understanding nuance.

  • There’s a big difference between Al Franken and Harvey Weinstein.
  • There’s a big difference between the guy who uses porn as an occasional masturbatory aid and a guy who is addicted to communicating with webcam girls.
  • And there’s a big difference between putting your trust in a good guy who has a friendship with an ex and putting your trust in a liar who has an unhealthy attachment to his ex.

Which is to say that it’s perfectly cool that you asked the question; I just don’t get why you weren’t able to answer it yourself.

Your list of nine offenses sound like a litany of reasons Democrats want to impeach the President. There are so many things wrong that you don’t even know what to focus on first.

If you have a man that’s untrustworthy, then he shouldn’t be your boyfriend. If he’s your boyfriend, then you have no choice but to trust him completely.

Allow me to make this simple for you:

If you think so little of this man – if he is, in fact, a liar who values his ex over you – why would you even consider reconciling with him?

You started the piece by telling me you read this article.

Instead of clicking back, I’ll just quote it right here.

If you have a man that’s untrustworthy, then he shouldn’t be your boyfriend. If he’s your boyfriend, then you have no choice but to trust him completely.

Seems you have a man that’s untrustworthy.

You know what you have to do. Now do it.

Happy ClientsHappy Clients

  • Jana B.

    “I’m so glad I didn’t give up, no one should ever give up. You have to kiss A LOT of toads to find your prince.”

    I knew I needed to in order to attract the love of my life. I had romantic dreams and the reality of the dating scene was a wake-up call… A man with answers about men! That is the “golden ticket”!  

    Jana B.
  • Cathy C.

    “Thank you for what you do, Evan.”

    Here’s the deal.   I read your blog – I devour your newsletters.   I’ve learned  so much about men  (and myself) through the process.  

    Cathy C.
  • Shelagh M.

    “Dale and I have been together for two and a half years and will be married in 3 months.”

    You provide a reality check and remind me that everyone has doubts and there is no one “normal” response to love and commitment.  I think your insight and perspective is incredibly accurate – you seem to understand the plight/perspective of the working, successful urban woman over 30.

    Shelagh M.

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Thai gilr living in New York and work as a part time editor on news magazines.